Tag Archives: camel toes

Five Fashion Feck Ups

Traffic stopping in the worst possible sense.

The Triple D

Me and my pal Susie refer to it as ‘Triple D’, as in DDD. Double Denim Disaster. Denim jeans and a denim jacket or the same or a similar colour. It makes me feel quite sick to think about it. I have rocked the double denim look before. Once I was wearing almost navy jeans and a light denim jacket broken up by a white print t-shirt.

It worked, I can promise you that. But if you’re basing your look on Aiden from SATC when he reveals he’s got married and had a baby to Carrie (you know that scene), you’ve taken a wrong turn at Levi and ended up in a denim danger zone. Turn back. It’s not worth it.

Camel Toe *pause for people to stop gagging*

Two words. Camel. Toe. Since the emergence of the ‘jegging’ craze (which, I’ll admit, I wasn’t mad for initially, but then seemingly overnight I grew a monstrous belly and it was either join the jegging gang or the maternity wear department) teenage girls, and more mature women, all over the country have been hiding the inevitable camel toe with the customary long top you simply HAVE TO wear with jeggings.

Widespread offence is caused when people wear jeggings without a long top to cover their camel toe and their cellulite. Cellulite you can see from space cannot be covered by a tight layer of denim/lycra. Trust me. Cover the hell up.

Fashionista?! More like Fat Chaneequa.

Midriff Madness

There is one simple rule. Unless you have washboard abs akin to Kate Moss or Naomi Campbell, and you are covering up a good percentage of the rest of your body, you must not attempt to reveal your midriff to the general public. Anyone who is delusional enough to think that spare tyres tucked into a pair of cycling shorts and worn with a belly top is attractive needs to be locked out of Penneys for life.

Bluffin’ with your muffin

For crying out loud, don’t people realise that they have muffin tops? There seems to be a whole gang of people in Dublin who have pictures of Elle McPherson where their mirror used to be or they are lying to themselves about their real reflection.

Now, I am not for one second complaining about more curvy women, or those who are delighted to be carrying a whole lotta somethin’ under their clothes. I applaud those women, actually. But please, respect yourself and others and cover up your muffin as well as you do your muff. Again, widespread offence is not something you want to be responsible for.

Prostitute Chic?

Fashion in Dublin recently has violently swerved into Whoretown. I have seen fourteen and fifteen year olds wearing Working Girl uniforms. Streetwalkers, at least, have a reason to dress that way. It helps business. But teenage girls? Dress like sluts and boys will treat you like sluts. Please enjoy your youth and spend it wearing age appropriate clothing. And for those of you who dress like hookers and are out of your teens…well. You should know better. Shame on you. Shame on you.

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