Right so I’m still not over Beyoncé Weekend 2014 (and I’m going to her concert on Wednesday as well so apologies to my family and friends who have to put up with a further onslaught of Beyoncéness until the end of next week at the earliest) and this morning, I think I became the official Beyoncé ambassador for Ireland – sort of. I was asked to go on two radio morning shows this morning to talk about THE TOWEL INCIDENT, so I think that confirms it. Anyway.
By Wednesday, I’ll have seen Beyoncé live FIFTEEN times. Yes that’s right. And for someone of relatively limited means (unlike the exceptionally loaded gay Philadelphia men from the other night’s concert) I think that’s pretty decent.
So, given that I’ve seen her that many times, I feel as though I’m qualified to create my ‘perfect’ Beyoncé concert. Now, after this post I’m sure Bey will sack Frank Gatson Jr, hire me as her creative director and never look back. In all likelyhood, therefore, this is my last post before I forget ALL of you. So enjoy it, for jaysus sake.
THE PERFECT SETLIST
(this took a LOT of consideration and deliberation, as you can imagine)
Crazy In Love (BEST OPENER EVER. See Glasto for proof)
Medley of Get Me Bodied, Freakum Dress and Deja Vu (how deadly would THAT be?)
Yoncé into Partition (cos I’d leave if she didn’t)
Drunk In Love (Jay Z, I’d love an appearance here, nice one)
Lift Off (sure, while you’re on the stage Jay, you might as well. Get over here Kanye!)
Flawless (can you imagine it, right there next to Drunk In Love???)
– brief interlude to get a drink and maybe some Cheetos, she loves those –
Haunted (this is where she slows sh*t down)
Flaws and All (because it’s heartfelt and gorgeous in my ears)
Woman Like Me (because I feel like Superwoman when I hear it)
Scared of Lonely mixed with Hello (come ON, who doesn’t love those two??)
Superpower (preferably WITH Frank Ocean, thanks)
I Care mixed with Resentment (think about it. You know I’m right)
– things got emotional, it was nice. Kick it back up you say? ALRIGHT –
Love on Top (all ninety octaves please, Bey. Good woman)
Schoolin’ Life (possibly my favourite live one… possibly I said)
Single Ladies (it’s an obvious one, crowd pleaser)
– time to come to an epic finish. Let’s do this –
Irreplaceable (to the left, to the left. Mmmm.)
XO (we’re heading towards the dramatic finish here….)
Halo (because what the hell else would she ever finish with?)
Happy Birthday (directly to me. On February 17th. Annually.)*
*that last one might be a total pipedream. So what.
I realise to complete this concert Beyoncé would have to perform for a solid five hours. But a girl can dream!
(Please, other Beyoncé fans. Get involved. Tell me what YOUR dream setlist would be. I really want to argue about why mine is better.)
Now, as I go off to my Spotify account to turn this setlist into one hell of a playlist, I ask you, ladies and gentlemen, to head on over to Ban Bossy and get involved with the drive to encourage more female leaders. People have always said I’m bossy/controlling/always need to be in charge blah blah blah. Now I can go ahead and do it and feel great and if anyone complains? I tell them what Beyoncé told me to tell them.
I’m not bossy. I’m the boss.
THIS IS A DICTATORSHIP, in other words…